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Hands down, Apple's app store wins by a mile. It's a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I'm not sure I'd want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

I think, that you are not right. I am assured. I suggest it to discuss. Write to me in PM.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

This is nice stuff, its cool to be in the know.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

This is awesome stuff, its awesome to be in the know.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

You'll be able to entirely call at your commitment on the succeed you write. Society desires way more keen essayissts as you just who won't be shocked to express how they believe. Consistently practice a heart.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

This is good stuff, its cool to be in the know.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

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Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Happy New Year!

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Happy New Year!

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

This page appears to get a large ammount of visitors. How do you promote it? It gives a nice individual twist on things. I guess having something useful or substantial to talk about is the most important thing.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Well I sincerely enjoyed studying it. This post offered by you is very helpful for proper planning.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

I am not young enough to know everything.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

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Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

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