2005北欧旅行記vol.3
初日の最後に訪れたのが、Eric Gunner Asplundが設計したSkogskyrkogaeden(森の火斎場)。完成までに26年の歳月を費やし、完成した年にアスプルンドは亡くなり、ここに眠っています。まさに、彼のライフワーク。アスプルンドの代表作は他には「Stockholm City Library（ストックホルム市立図書館）」などがあります。
ストックホルム市内から地下鉄で15分ほどにあるSkogskyrkogaeden駅を降りて、右手を曲がるとすぐに入り口が見えてきます。入り口からは印象的な十字架が。一歩、足を踏み入れると、そこはまるで時間が止まったかのような別世界。十字架にむかって歩いていくと、なんともいえない気持ちになります。丘の上へ上るたびに、一歩ずつ天国へ向かって歩いていくよう。。。お墓なのですが、お墓と言い切れないような場所です。しばし時を忘れて、ボーッとしてしまいました。しかし、ココとっても広い！ほんの入り口しか見ることができなかったので、次に行ったらゆっくり時間をかけて見に行きたいと思っています。（カフェやガイドツアーなどもあるようです）この日、あまり天気が良くなかったのに、この時、一瞬、日が射してきたのがまた幻想的でした。
余韻にひたりつつ、ホテルへ戻り就寝。。。
５月２日。
ホテルで朝食をゆっくり食べ、まずはアンティークショップの下見。アンティークショップは午後から開店のお店が多く、閉店時間も早いので、まずは場所確認から。ウィンドウからお宝の数々が見える。。。調べていったところ以外にも、antikと看板のかかっているお店は覗いてみる。小さなお店に、数点だけどBersaが置いてあったりとあなどれません。
ひととおりチェックが済んだところで、Svenskt Tennへ。1924年創立のテキスタイルと家具のお店。店内に入るまでは、有名なお店だしとりあえず店内を見ようという軽い気持ちだったのですが、Svenskt Tennの世界は素敵でした！！そして、高級でした（笑）。ハギレすら手が出ないお値段。でも、もし我が家に一軒大きな家があって、部屋ごとにテキスタイルを変えるなら、一部屋は絶対Svenskt Tennにしたいと夢見たりして。
そして、早めのランチ。ビジネス街の中にあるエステルマルムのマーケットホール。レンガ作りの建物の中が、食材市場。チーズ・ハム・サーモンなど美味しそうな食材がてんこもり。そして、その中の一角にその場でランチを提供しているお店が数軒。どこも美味しそうだったのだけど、一軒とても繁盛している店があったので、そこに並んでみる。身振り手振りでなんとかオーダー。じゃがいも＆シュリンプサラダとスモークサーモンをオーダー。プレートをオーダーするとパンとサラダは自由に食べられます。これが、びっくりするほど美味しかった！！！そして、すごいボリューム。ランチでだいたい￥1000前後だから、物価の高い北欧としてはお手頃価格？！まわりは、ビシッとスーツで決めたサラリーマンがたくさんいました。
お腹もいっぱいになったところで、12時の開店に合わせて、まずはBungalowへ、日本からバイヤーも買い付けにくるという店内は充実の品揃え。ネットや本でしか見たことの無い食器が山ほどあります。しかし、残念ながら欲しいものには出会えず。その後、ガムラスタンへ移動。まずは、お目当てのRetrohomeへいくものの、この日も休み。前回、椅子を購入したJaksonsには、特に欲しい物はなし。そしてSkattgommanへ。ここで、出会ってしまいました！！まずは、店内に入って真っ先に目に入ったのがMon Amieのティーカップ。他にも、グスタフベリやアラビアのアンティークが所狭しと並んでいます。BersaやSpisa Ribbもかなりいい状態のものが安い！いろいろと欲しいと思ったものの、まだ他も全然見てないし、どうしよう。。。と悩んでいた時に、一人の日本人の女性がお店に入ってきました。流暢な英語でお店の方と会話し、ダンナが目をつけていたBersaをさらりとゲット。その女性の方が話しかけてきてくれて、いろいろとお話をしていたらなんと次の日お会いする約束になっていたmagさんのオトモダチでした！スウェーデンまできて、こんな出会いがあるとは。びっくりです。（お店のおばちゃんは急に日本語で話し込んでいた私たちを見てもっとびっくりだったに違いない・笑）そして、他に比べてもここのお店は安いですよとお聞きしたので、思い切ってMon amie、リンドベリ作品のコロラドシリーズを数点を購入することを決心。ちょっぴりまけていただいて、ラッキー☆明日またお会いする約束を交わし、お店の前でmagさんのオトモダチと別れました。しかし、この一件で、目の前で買われていったBersaに、うちのダンナはすっかり未練が残ってしまったのでした。ここから、Bersa探しの旅が始まりました。。。（笑）
その後、Bacchus antikへ。ここの品揃えは、本当に素晴らしい。博物館級のお宝がゴロゴロしています。しかし、お値段はちょっと高め。今回探していたEvaもデミタスカップならありました。ものすごく高かったけれど。このBacchus antikがある通りupplandsgatanは、アンティークショップが軒を連ねています。すべてが陶器を扱っている訳ではないのですが、一件づつのぞいていくとけっこういろいろと置いてあるお店がありました。たまたまウィンドウにSpisa Ribbシリーズが飾ってあったお店ANTIQUE&QURIOSASHOPEN（可愛いワンコが2匹いるのが目印）では、店主に探している物を尋ねると奥からいろいろ出して見せてくれました。ここで、状態がとてもよかったSpisa Ribbのプレートを1枚購入。
ここで、本日のアンティーク探しは終了。一旦ホテルへ戻り、夕飯を食べるためにソーデルマルムへ移動しました。ソーデルマルムは、ストックホルムの中でもおしゃれスポット。10gruppenやGRANIT、DesignTorgetなど素敵なショップがたくさんあります。この日は、時間も遅かったので10gruppenはウィンドウから覗いたのみ、GRANITをくるっと１周してDesignTorgetでちょっぴりお買い物。そして、ブラブラ歩きながら、70年代の北欧雑貨がたくさんそろったmodel70などをウィンドウから覗きつつ、本日の夕飯を食べるレストラン「pelikan」へ到着。ここで、人気のミートボール、ピィーティー・パンナ（肉とじゃがいもの炒め物）、スモークサーモンなど、スウェーデン料理の王道をいただいました。これが、すごーーーく美味しい！！！特に、ミートボール！！ミートボール、あまどれない美味しさです。お店も地元の人たちでとてもにぎわっていて、ストックホルムの人たちに愛されているお店なんだなぁと実感。この旅で、印象深いレストランのひとつです。
お腹いっぱいに食べて飲んで、お店をでてもまだ空がほんのり明るい。ついつい夜更かししたくなっちゃう。北欧の人たちが、夏を待ち焦がれる気持ちがちょっぴり分かった気がします。そして、この日が、デザイナーズルーム最後の夜。のんびり過ごそう・・・と思うまもなく爆睡。も、もったいない。。。
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
I enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it that way.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
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When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Why don't you write books people can read?
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.